LINK:  www.yelp.com

Yes! Katie finally agreed to go out to dinner with me! Now I just need to find a nice restaurant to take her to so that she’ll think I’m cultured and sophisticated. It wouldn’t hurt if the place had poor lighting and cheap alcohol because if she can’t see my acne scars and I can get her drunk off her ass then I might have a chance of getting laid. Hmmm…I don’t know of any restaurants like that around here. Better check Yelp! I’ll just enter in my search criteria and in no time I’ll have the names of dozens of restaurants as well as reviews written by local foodies who really want their opinions to count for something. Oooh, this place looks promising. And “Chelsea M.” writes in her review that “the ambience is charming – perfect place for a first date! :)”. But from her picture she looks like a total slut so I bet she’d have been impressed and spread her legs even if her date had taken her to McDonalds and forced her to order from the dollar menu. Hmm…maybe I’ll send “Chelsea M.” a private message about getting together on Friday night so that if things don’t work out with Katie I can still get my dick sucked.
-The Assman