Your average Parrotthead is the depressed, middle-aged alcoholic who has deep “laughing lines” (steroidal crows’ feet) and is sadly aware that his best years are behind him.  It is possible that he may have actually done well for himself fiscally (after all you have to find someway to buy the overpriced concert tickets and spend the hundreds of dollars on the requisite tailgating due diligence), but it is guaranteed that his kids are all fucked up after getting wasted every summer at their summer house in Margate, NJ.  Why else would anyone want to consider themselves part of a community that prides itself on going down to the Tweeter Center parking lot in Camden to drink excessively unless you were trying to escape some dark aspects of your life?

The FCC tries to outlaw artists who promote drug use, hate crimes, and racial violence.  Yet, they condone America’s biggest advocate of alcoholism.  It is very difficult to justify spending hundreds of dollars on parking lot amenities (booze, food, lawn furniture, gaudy costumes, etc) and not care to see to the show (an old guy tiredly trying to hit the notes of the songs that the fans have heard a million times), but to get housed in a parking lot.  Cops should target Ford Explorers with Parrothead bumper stickers with the same fervor that they chase Escalades pumping loud hip-hop:  chances are both drivers are intoxicated. - Dubs