My brain throbs when I think on my
own, the unfamiliar sensation ruptures blood vessels and I become
paralyzed. Honest, man. So I get this great magazine, it's called Emo
Mail-Order Monthly, and prescribes exactly what brands of clothing are
acceptable in the scene, because the last thing I want to do is offend
someone with my footwear! There's even a tear out circle I can take
with me shopping, so if a shirt sleeve or pant leg is greater than 3"
in diameter, I know not to buy it. Don't believe those sizes at Urban
Outfitters, fatty! I also use something similar to track my BMI - not
quite like they do it at the doctor's office, but we're talking about
my Personal Brand Health here, not dietary or physiological or mental
or gastrointestinal. Sheesh. I've marked on this tape measure a couple
of lines that I wrap around my arms and legs – they indicate when I
need to increase my cigarettes and cocaine intake to maintain my waif
size. Kinda like those Cosmo quizzes, " 2.5 Inches and Above = Alert!
Up it to two grams/week before the lipids spill out of your body and
ruin your reputation!"
-Chottie
I don't get the Chuck Taylors wax, but that's probably because I also like Dane Cook.
If life were as fair and just as Converse’s Chuck Taylors ,it would indefinitely mark the end of racism, classism, genocide, and school uniforms.
Whoever wears these magical shoes is always considered to have a sense of cool urban sophistication and best of all they’re cheap and can be found everywhere, even in Japan. Hollywood “A” listers are always spotted wearing Chuck Taylors a.k.a. “Fish Heads”. However, it is perplexing that the high school “D" listers do as well. For example I knew this gawky high school freshman that would wear “Fish Heads” and always get a few head nods of approval and this fucker’s mom ratted out one of the biggest parties of the year and he wasn’t even invited.
Time to blow your mind now; the Chuck magic applies to both sexes. With that said here is some advice to the guys, girls, sluts, studs, Mr. Belvedere, jocks, celebrities, and Teddy Rockspin. Being cool is as easy as lacing up a pair of Chuck Taylors. If you don’t own a pair buy a pair.
- Tad Landon ( I own two pair.)