FACT:  98% chance that you are not a surfer.  2% chance that you may surf, and Quiksilver is only one of three brands that make rash guards that actually fit. 

On the family trip you almost stood up in the white wash of the South Shore of Oahu on a surfing lesson when you were twelve.  Okay dude, you stood up for a couple of seconds on a beginner board, now put the picture away.  Your board shorts are white with some generic floral pattern and they are always as clean as K-Fed’s hat.  You don’t really spend the day surfing, but rather sun tanning, throwing the football, and flexing your two-week workout body.  You must have them dry-cleaned with extra starch after each use (I can’t prove this yet).  Looking sharp “bra!”

Now go to the bar wearing your Lacoste polo with the shorts and bitch at some chill surfer how, “East Coast surf sucks” and “Kelly Slater is like the All-time best and shit!”  If you don’t get this joke you are in the 98%.  Sorry bra.
-Tad Landon