Diesel is for gay guys, or guys who aren't having too much luck with the ladies and need to play the homo angle to get some hot poon.  Diesel also makes you seem rich, which is great for catchin' tail.  Women love money and will probably not talk to you if you look poor.  However, this does not work for the gays, in which case wearing Diesel indicates that you probably work at the Diesel store.

Try to find tee shirts with random numbers and letters or phrases in other languages. This makes you look smarter, like you have some sort of secret and you're not telling. What does the "DJH789YT" across your chest mean?  Tell everyone that you read it in a book and that's it's really important.  Then if they ask too many follow up questions you should probably just get outta there.

Only buy Diesel jeans that are clearly labeled Diesel across the right pocket, because why would you spend $250 on some jeans and then not tell people about it.  Diesel jeans WILL accentuate your butt, so be careful when walking around Chelsea or West Hollywood, you will be just asking for all kinds of gay trouble.  But that's what you get, like I said in the beginning, Diesel is for gay guys.

Diesel shoes tend to be weird and you should stay away from them!  They look like you dipped your foot into some soft plastic, let the mold dry and went out the door.  You can practically see veins those things are so conformed to your foot!  I would suggest these shoes as a great alternative to Chinese foot binding, but for fashion’s sake you look like you took the blades off some old-timey ice-skates before hitting the town.  Instead, try wearing oversized high-tops that give your foot a Mega-Man shape that will intimidate your peers and the cantankerous Dr. Wily.
-Knuckles