TIME SAVER –My big decision in high school was whether to dirty my COCKS hat in the front or back yard.  No more!  Now I can buy dirty falling apart hats, shirts, AND jeans.  Sweet!  They must have a pretty big dirt factory for the volume that they do.

Your typical Abercrombie guy pulls down his hat so low that he cannot see because seeing isn’t important “kid”.  He wears the logo shirt… which is a fucking moose may I add.  Two other current logos are an alligator and a polo player (which matches their consumers perfectly).  But Abercrombie chose a boring, unintelligent, slow-moving animal that follows the pack at all times, and tackles the female sex with complete disregard.  Oh my bad.

 In “da” mall the stores have dark lighting and loud music that help hide the crap merchandise that will ultimately disappoint you after taken home from the store.  You know what I think?  I think they should blast the lights on and play “Closing Time” every time a purchase is finalized.  Then they should put a big fat ugly moose in your bed for when you wake up.

So buy your gear, hit Aunt Annie’s Pretzel, and then go out with some chicks to the local shifty bar and try to use your fake ID’s.  Unfortunately, your girls’ ID’s get turned down so it looks like those “ho’s” are getting a taxi. 

News Report:  The guys later get their asses kicked in a pool game, get thrown in jail for two hours, and grounded for the rest of their senior year.  “Fucking ho’s”.

-Tad Landon



I love Abercrombie and Fitch!  I remember my ex-boyfriend was wearing WOODS cologne the first time I was ever fingered.  Oh it was so hot.  Maybe that's why I now pleasure myself while looking at the black and white Abercrombie bags that I still keep in my room... either that or I'm just turned on by jacked men in ambiguously gay poses. 
-Tracy H.



To me Abercrombie means that you wish you had bigger muscles and are hoping the association with AF will give the illusion that you are athletic. Which brings up a bigger issue: the fashion FUPA ...i mean "faux pas" -i'll get to some FUPA hiding tips later) ...the fashion faux pas of wearing gym clothes all day long. We get it, you work out! I seriously doubt you are about to work out any second though and therefore need to be suited up at all times. Perhaps you could wear normal clothes and then start every conversation with "ya know, I worked out this morning..." This would help those of us that have to look at your "seniors rule '96" shirt or whatever ghastly free Tee made it into your gym uniform. I must play devil's advocate though and mention that silky gym shorts can help enhance the bulge.
-Knuckles