American style is classic cool, Italian style is formfitting and sexy, but when they mix together (to be sold to the masses) the result is disgusting. Yes, mix water and dirt you get mud. But here you come on Saturday afternoon to buy up the cheap Wannabe Euro Trash. The same trash that Armani produces (with swallowed pride) just so he can keep his house in Lake Como.

Hit the tanning salon. No you don’t wait to pay, you bought the package deal. When the burnt-orange colored 20 year-old tanning receptionist asks “full time?” you wink, “Obviously. Get ready for the night in your bathroom that looks identical to a fully stocked Bath and Body Works. Finally, throw on your tight black shirt with Armani Exchange “posted” on the front – thus stating to the world that you don’t care about fit or fabric, nor are you able to afford the real Armani line. Why is it that people who can afford the real thing don’t wear the labels? Ah, don’t worry about it; if Napoleon was alive today he would probably wear bridge lines too.
-Tad Landon