7:00am: Wake up and go for long run in freezing cold
8:00am Pray and feel guilty for not having prayed right when you woke up
9:00am Tassle long, sandy-blonde hair, cover up with Notre Dame hat, put on Notre Dame t-shirt and other merchandise. Compliment self on having so much “heart.”
10:00am Great day so far, totally saw so many “good friends.” Feel pride but also guilty for not thinking about Jesus as walk by God Quad.
6:00pm Work out. Thinking the entire time about how “work ethic” is so strong.
7:00pm Pray and feel guilty about believing that “work ethic” is innate and not granted by God.
9:00pm Watch “Rudy.”
11:00pm Get out-of-mind wasted at bar and sing Fight Songs at top of lungs.
12:00am Make out with a girl.
1:00am Sneak her out because girls aren’t allowed in the dorms after hours.
1:30am Feel guilty for not having walked her home in the freezing cold.
2:00am Masturbate furiously while roommate is asleep (subconsciously complimenting self on having the self-will and determination to finish).
2:30am Feel guilty about touching self, pray, rest head on ND pillow and go to sleep.

The well-built guy leaning against the bar, drinking heavily and wearing Solomon boots with Columbia jeans, whose eye keeps nervously twitching as he watches Haley, his sweet “dormmate,” do ecstasy and “make out” with a random black guy at a Chicago club.  He wants to go up and say something, but Father Makay (who lives in his dorm) wouldn't approve.  Keep it in.  Save it for the homoeroticism at the next football game. -Dubs