You love the outdoors. I mean, you REALLY love the outdoors – enough to buy a car that shouts to the world that you are a man’s man. You lumberjack. I heard that one time you drove your Wrangler down to the river and went fishing with your bare hands. Yeah. I heard that one time you ate a raw 42oz. Porterhouse steak – straight off the cow! Yeah, yeah! And like, one time I heard that you got drunk at your favorite Denver bar… got into a fight with another Bronco’s fan because he said that Chuck Norris was a pussy… got pulled over and cited for a DUI in your Wrangler… and had to spend the night in jail… and you were afraid about some of the black people touching your butt and so you curled up all scared in the corner of the cell. Wow, what a man! Yeah! You manly man swinging the big dick, you. 
-ShitShow