Look out across the water with the same intellectual curiosity and wonderment that has captured the imagination of coastal towns throughout history. But wait, that is a lake and not an ocean. Ann Harbor is in Michigan, attended by Michiganders* (Point to you raised palm! Show me where in the state you’re from! I fucking dare you! You hear that? You did? Good, it was my shotgun cycling! On all that is holy, I dare you to do that smarmy palm thing again!), and even though the students wish they could be in California or New York, they are still in primitive middle-America. But it’s OK, dream for the day when you will be able to move to a coast and work as intern and walk among people who are equal to your caliber of intelligence. Oh shit, the football game is about to start… better start shotgunning those beers!

*EDIT: Waxing Judgmental would like to thank the reader It's Better When You Know The Terms for e-mailing us the correct terminology.