Oh, you were in the HONOR’S program at Penn State and supposedly that’s very difficult and selective. That’s like saying that you are the retard on the shortbus with the best hand-motor skills. Do you also like Joe Paterno, Dave Matthews Band, shell necklaces, and lower back tattoos? Did you grow up in the suburbs of Pittsburgh, NYC or Philly? Were you wholly indistinguishable from your class of 600 in almost every aspect? Come to Happy Valley; assimilate with thousands of forgettable young suburbanites and spend four mostly forgettable years together as a member of the 76th percentile Nittany Lion populace (whatever the fuck that is)! When the highlight of your drive out there revolves around the mini-white Statue of Liberty, you know you are in for a fun-filled four (five) years.

In Vegas for the first time for her best friend, Abby’s, Bachelorette Party, she doesn’t even notice that her outfit seems “so last season” compared to all of the other girls in Ghostbar. She is just thrilled that she could get away from Reading, PA where she has been “subbing” as an elementary school teacher and living at home to “save money.”  - PSMITHS